Not so Funny JOKES

[kiskav]

A middle-aged executive was becoming increasingly irritated by the constant ribbing he was taking from the junior employees who couldn't resist making fun of his baldness.

One morning, a particularly brash trainee had the gall to run his hand across the older man's gleaming head while loudly exclaiming: "Feels just like my wife's bum."

With a look of genuine curiosity, the aging exec rubbed his hand across his head.

"You're right," he said, "it does!"

 

[kiskav]

Lady: Sir main lut gayi, barbaad ho gayi.

Inspector: Kyun,kya hua madam?

Lady: Ek handsome sa chor raat ko mere ghar aaya aur mere saare gehne chori kar ke le gaya.

Inspector: Kaise? Kahan rakhe the gehne?

Lady: Main pehen ke soee hue thee..??

Inspector: Phir chori kaise huee?? ??

Lady: Woh aadmi mere saare gehne utaarke le gaya.

Inspector: Kyaa! Phir tumne usko pakda kyun nahin, ya shor kyun machaya ?

Lady: Mujhe kya pata tha wo gehne churane ke liye uutar raha hai.???

 

[kiskav]

Bhagwan ne apne ek doot ko 3 questions ka answer dhoondne ke liye India bheja.

1. Sabse Strong Kya Hai ?
2. Sabse Kamzor kya hai?
3. Aur vo kya hai jo maine nahin banaya but phir bhi hai?

Doot Waapas aakar bola:

1st: Sabse strong hai Jhaant Ka Baal... Jisko dekho bolta rehta hai - Tu meri jhaant ka baal bhi nahin ukhaad sakta.

2nd: Sabto kamzor hai 'Gaand'... jisko dekho bolta rehta hai hai - 'Gaand Phat Gayi.'

3rd: Aur woh chiz jo apne nahi banayi magar India me hai wo hai: 'Bhen Ka Lauda'.

 

[kiskav]

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself.
Moral: In life no one helps you, once you're fucked.

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction?

What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.

Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life!!!

 

[kiskav]

Boss hired a sexy secretary; but 10 days later he committed suicide by jumping from his 27th floor office!!!

Police Inspector, "Who was there at that time in the room?"

Secretary, " was there."

Police Inspector, "What happened? Why did he commit suicide???"

Secretary, "He was a good man. One day he bought me a fur coat for 2,00,000, then he bought me a diamond necklace for Rs. 15,00,000, then he bought me a diamond ring for Rs. 5,00,000. Today he asked me to spend the night with him. I told him I charge just Rs. 500 a night!" Moral: Investments are subject to market risk, check the market rate before investing!!!

 

[kiskav]

Ek Ladke ko traffic police ne rash driving ke liye pakda.

Police: Apna license dikhao.

Ladka: Nahin hai janaab.

Police: Paise hain?

Ladka: No.

Police waale ne ladke ke underwear me haath daala aur kuch baal khich ke ukhaad liye.

Ladka, in pain: Aisa kyun kiya?

Police: Taake tum yeh na keh sako ki, maine signal toda aur havaldar mera jhaant bhi nahi ukhad saka.

 

[kiskav]

A man is having problems with his dick, which certainly had seen better times.

He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your dick is burned out. You only have 30 erections left in your penis."

The man walks home, deeply depressed. His wife is waiting for him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem. He tells her what the doc told him.

She says, "Oh no! Only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that! We should make a list!"

He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn't on it."

 

[kiskav]

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. The nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there.

They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement. They found her husband and told him what happened, telling him, "As crazy as it sounds, a little oral sex may do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran back into the room.

"What happened?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure; maybe she choked!"

NEVER EVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.....

 

[kiskav]

Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar.

One complained to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking arse."

Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away.

Immediately, he apologized for his bad language.

"That's okay," the blonde replied, "If I don't sell more arse this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car."

 

[kiskav]

In the middle of the harvesting, one of the farmhands had to obey the call of nature. He went to the edge of the field and started peeing. Most unfortunately, he was stung by a bee right on the "tip."

The pain was unbearable, but he knew a piece of good advice. He went to the farmers house and put his penis in buttermilk. At that moment the farmers daughter came in. With her face red, she stood perfectly still looking at him.

"Have you never seen one of these before?" the farmhand asked.

To which the girl replied, "Yes, but this is the first time I see one being reloaded!"

 

[kiskav]

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher was giving a vocabulary lesson. The word of the day was "indefinitely." She asked if any of the children could use it in a sentence.

Little Johnny's hand shot straight up, but she chose another student, "Indefinitely. The clouds stretched indefinitely across the sky."

"Very good, Veronica. How about another, Timmy?"

"I waited in line for the bus indefinitely.

" "Another excellent example. Thank you."

Johnny was really going crazy and finally the teacher decided to call on him, he seemed so much to want to contribute.

"By the way my balls banged against her buttocks I knew I was in definitely."

 

[Griezmann7]

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are sitting around talking about their kids. The brunette says, “I found cigarettes in my daughter’s room, and I didn’t know she smoked.â€￾ The redhead replies, “I found liquor in my daughter’s room, and I didn’t know she drank.â€￾ The blonde chuckles and says, “That’s nothing. I found condoms in my daughter’s room, and I didn’t know she had a penis!â€￾

 

[Griezmann7]

____( )______________This is sunny leone sleeping.

_____________________this is sonam kapoor sleeping

__________||____ & This is Me

 

[Logical_Guy]

lolzzzz tooo much content but worth it