OK, since you asked:
I rang Raine up for an appointment and her breath was very bad, even on the phone. Her Engrish was so bad that I ended up in East Abbotsford when I tried to follow her directions.
I got to her place two hours late. (Thank God for GPS.) When I knocked, she did the old hide behind the door trick, but she was so fat that the door could open only about 6", and I had to painfully squeeze myself inside. She was dressed in padded gore-tex mountaineering clothes, and they never came off. Neither did her sunglasses. She hadn't bothered to comb her hair or shave her mustache.
I'm not good at estimating age, especially with Asian ladies, bur I'd guess late sixties or early seventies. She asked for the $450 up front, and wouldn't give me change when I told her I only had five browns.
The massage was on a thin bath towel spread out on a filthy carpet in the hallway, and her pet weasel kept nipping at my ankle. The place smelled like cabbage cooking, but that was OK because it partly covered up the smell of her breath. She was playing songs from Teletubbies and Sesame Street on her 8-track.
After about 4 minutes of massage (using lard), she asked me to flip and went straight for my Johnson. After 3 minutes of machine-gun stroking, she said "ha ha, you little pickle smaller than even very old Australian bushman with rheumatism," and then added "you come soon?, I need to go to casino in five minute". At that point, I just wanted to get out, so I said never mind and thanks. She wouldn't let me use the shower, and complained when I didn't leave a tip.
When I got to my car, i realized that she had taken all the cash and credit cards out of my wallet, and had put her business card and photo inside.
Would I repeat? Probably not, unless she offered a special.