remaining concerned but detached - how to cope with needy clients

[ashlee.adward]

Hi all,

Have a lovely caring friend who works at a health centre and she tends to get very vulnerable/needy clients and a proportion have terrible life stories to off-load - and some do. My friend often experiences sleepless nights worrying about these issues....

My thoughts are - people come to massage to have 'time out' and to relax...yes, touch does unlock...but if people are 'off-loading' they're not getting the benefit from the treatment (there is a counsellor in the centre). I don't think people should off-load during treatments and it's up to us to not absorb too much of another's emotion

But......

how do you as therapists detach yourself from very needy clients ie: not absorb people's problems - especially if they're of the 'suffering abuse' variety as opposed to the 'got a pain in my toe' variety...and should you?

 

[tbewzuxqiyyipyekl]

I think it is part and parcel of the job and your friend's experience will be echoed by every type of masseur (and indeed therapists in general). People occasionally let us into the darker corners of their lives because they trust us, but also because they don't know us---it's easier to talk to a stranger. I have no answers for your friend except to listen, empathise and if possible try and find a way to 'tune out' at the end of the day--my kids do that for me!

 

[Pompal 09.]

I don't offer massage but work with mind therapies - and, obviously, in that area of work we regularly hear lots of difficult and traumatic stories and experiences from clients. It can be really draining to work with a needy client and/or to pick up the "vibe" which you may not be able to shake for a while. However I found that since I've started using EFT with clients a few years ago, this problem has been virtually eliminated for me - in fact, I tend to feel better after the session than before the session, regardless of how difficult the topic may have been.

Not all but many EFT therapists (including me) use the EFT procedure alongside client during treatment - doing it with them, rather than on them - from my experience and that of many of my students and other practitioners, I have no doubt that even without paying consious attention to what is going for me during the session I get the benefit of the procedure, one of the effects of which is that the client's "stuff" doesn't seem to stick to me, and whilst I do feel genuine compassion for them during the treatment, I don't need to hang on to their painful experienes when the session is finished..

Most of my students are psychotherapists or counsellors but those who are predominantly body therapists/ Reiki masters etc will often use EFT as an ajunct to their main therapy, e.g. in helping the client to gain quick and gentle release of any negative emotion that may have surfaced during the treatment, but also to use for themselves before and after the sessions, to maintain their own emotional and energetic balance.

Masha

 

[aredsailjunk]

Why doesn't your friend book herself in to see the counsellor for some "supervision"? This would create a space where she can offload what her clients have been telling her. Don't worry about the counsellor - she will have her own supervision, all counsellors have to as part of their practice.

 

[Tainted Love]

happygoddess - you say the clients aren't benefiting from massage because they "offload". Offloading is part of throwing off toxins, psychologically!!! Hence it IS therapeutic for the client - i.e. cathartic. (Just try screaming when you're frustrated and you'll understand the instant benefit - an extreme example of verbal therapy!)

Sounds like your friend needs to do some grounding and protection (spiritual) exercise.

 

[sensitive_guy]

Interesting stuff - I'm a counsellor so listening to people's problems is sort of what I signed up for, I didn't realise that it was quite usual for people to offload to masseurs... I always just lie there silent and enjoy the massage.

Some boundaries are always good, even if the therapist doesn't talk about them to the client, e.g. I will not try and help the client beyond the actual practice, I will not take responsibility for the client outside the hour and the room.... Those are just off the top of my head, and I realise it would differ for some different therapies.

It can be hard though, and I sometimes, with some clients, have to remind myself of these boundaries, and that I *am* helping them already, I don't have to do more. The same is true of any therapy I think?

 

[ab.jarvis]

Perhaps that is why they are drawn to her - and she listens.

Is she able to maybe forward them on to someone who can listen and help them, at least then she would feel she has helped them further.

Some people are looking for a safe place

 

[Kristy D]

I used to find this difficult but I agree with Masha that EFT works wonders. I use it to clear myself between clients. Then I find I am ready for the next person and can sleep well knowing I have done the best for clients and myself.

I know a therapist who does amazing facials who uses EFT on her clients to close a session if they feel emotional.

Pat Jones