Values

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Smoked Ham

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As I'm sure we all know, I have some issues. Fortunately, not with any of the members here...I hope.

I've been slowly reading my way through The Happiness Trap, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) book. I've gotten to the part that has us identify our values. These aren't moral values, or material values...Well I guess they could be, but personal values. What do we as individuals value, what does our hearts crave? This has troubled me for the past week, and I've been plodding my way through it.

It's been extra difficult for me, because I typically tend to run away from this sort of stuff. I find soul searching very difficult. Also, to my knowledge, I operate under multiple schema, including emotional deprivation, defectiveness, social exclusion, dependence, subjugation, and probably several more.... This is problematic because is this value something I want, or something the schema makes me want....

The book breaks the values into four areas: relationships, work/education, personal growth/health and leisure. Some of these are difficult for me to put a finger on, or figure out what I want. It focuses on what do you want, and what can you contribute to it, because you can only control your own actions.

To help with the reading...Titles, questions, my answer, and my comments
So away we go....

Relationships
Partner
-What sort of relationship do you want to build? Loving, emotionally open. As I said in Blissful's Love thread, I don't really know what love is....

How would you behave in this relationship? Thoughtfully/courteously, dependably, non-antagonistically I am very bad for acting antagonist in any form of relationship. Basically, I just start acting like a dick. Notice Loving or sex machine aren't in there....

What personal qualities do you want to develop? Emotional connection (connect with my own emotions), openness (to express what's on my mind/heart), over come my aversion to physical contact. (I don't like being touched...)

How would you treat others if you were the "ideal you" in the relationship. Don't be a dick. I can be a grade A dick with people I know.

Children
Don't plan on having kids...Cat in the Cradle springs to mind. (That song is hard for me to listen to)

Friends Ok, I just skipped this one.....Call me lazy

Work
What personal qualities would you like to bring to work? Hard working, dedicated, intelligent, creative, pleasant

How would you behave towards others if you were the ideal you? Conscientious, pleasant, even tempered, dependable

What sort of relationships would you want to build? Working friendships Friends at work, but not outside of work.

What skills/knowledge/personal qualities do you want to develop? Foresight, assertiveness, self restraint (I've gotten in trouble over emails I've sent :p), computer skills (I'm the 3rd most skilled user in the store as it is, behind a woman who's been at the job for 10 years, and the guy that wrote the system we use)

Personal growth/health
What ongoing activities would you like to start or take again? Aikido, university programs/renew degree When I wrote that down I was "WTF did that come from?"

What groups or centres would you like to join? uhhhhhh......

What life style changes would you make? Improve on my diet, and cooking I can cook, but I don't like to and I'm rather limited.

Leisure
What sort of hobbies/sport/leisure do you want to participate in? Music, aikido, riding, running, working out

How do you wish to relax, unwind or have fun in healthy, life-enhancing ways? relax/unwind: Music, excercise, meditation I find exercise to be very relaxing Fun: uhhhhhhh, what is this "fun" he is talking about? Honestly?

What sorts of activities would you like to take up or do more of? Aikido, guitar/bass, run and ride


There we go, finally got to the end of it. Feel free to leave input or free form mocking, or your own values/answers.

Why does the image of Genevieve passing around a hat for donations so she can fuck the brains out of a certain loser come to mind? :)

Speaking of being a loser...18-19% body fat. :):happy:
 
You are to hard on yourself. Learn to relax, we all feel this way at different points in our lives.

My Values: To be honest and help as much as I can. To forgive when I am ready to forgive.

Also I love Aikido, it is a fun form of defense do it.

If Gene wants to pass the hot here I will donate, if I can watch.:lol::lol: Breath and get out into the Sun.
 
I agree, you are too hard on yourself.

Real Fun can be elusive...for me, it's all about being totally in the moment, which doesn't happen for me a lot. It's usually when I'm doing something outside my comfort zone...I'm seriously afraid of heights and water, and one of the most Fun things I've ever done was parasail. It was ten years ago, and it still cheers me up when I think about it.

Find something that scares you, and do it. It's a very fine line between the Fear and the Rush, and the Fun is on the Rush side.
 
Dave if you put just half the effort you did on writing this thread into your life you will go a long way.

Well put together and thoroughly reserched. Now do the same with your life and Bingo, you are a winner.
 
Dave, I will contribute to " The Genevieve fuck Dave silly campaign" :grrrrrr:
 
As a follow up to my first post...

A lot of what was contained in there are my values, or aspects of an "ideal" me....The Dave I would want to be. Now what you don't get to see is where I stand in relation to actually fulfilling some of those ideals.

Sadly, I can't use Tobias Lundgren's bull's eye here, so I'll just have to write about it. Basically, you take a large bull's eye and place marks on it to represent the four groupings of values, in relation to the center. The closer they are, the closer you are to living fully within your values.

At work, I am very hard working and dependable (I haven't missed a day's work in....Nearly 3 years) I can be intelligent and creative as needed. (I've had head office types comment on that) I have been told the people I work with like working with me, because I'm easy to get along with and not pushy. But I'm a very submissive/passive individual when dealing with others, so I do need to work on my assertiveness. As for foresight...We'll I often forget what features I have coming up, so... :p

Leisure I'm batting about .500. The activities I list as relaxing are activities I currently do, or at least don't do enough of. As for the fun aspect, well.....

More to come, but for now, I have to run...
 
Step number 1. Good for you to acknowledge that now go and correct it.
 
With regards to work, yes, I need to develop a degree of assertiveness. As my manager said "Dave, you gotta grow some balls." Where to start on that though....




Well I said I'm batting .500 is because a lot of the activities that I find relaxing are ones I already do. But when it came to things I do for fun, well I just plain struck out. As did what groups would I like to be a member of.
 
I'll contribute as well and match what's in the hat. ;)
 
So if we take the contributions to date, we have..... 50ยข and two buttons (thanks el matador)

Probably the one area that I'm most out of touch with my values is in the realm of relationships. But when I can't be open and loving to those that are closest to me....That being family. I don't know where to begin with someone else....
 
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  41. Pink Flower Spa:
  42. Moneylee:
    All season wellness center :Young girl big boobs beautiful face deep massage Midi ,New Young girl big boobs beautiful face deep massage Baby ,Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament big boobs Yoyo ,Young girl Big breasted saucy naughty Ella ,Enchanting sexy petite deep massage Sherry , address: #5-30 Rambler dr Brampton ,Ontario L6W 1E2โ˜Ž๏ธ4376655510 ๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘…
  43. Moneylee:
    Full season wellness center: New Young girl Big-breasted big Big boobs big butts May, Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament big boobs Vita ,Young girl big boobs beautiful face deep massage Bobo, Young beautiful face sexy body and good deep massage maggie,Enchanting sexy petite deep massage Mary. 2560 Shepard ave Mississauga unit 1 .โ˜Ž๏ธ4379857899 ๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿˆต๏ธ
  44. HollywoodSpa:
    Monday at ๐ŸŽญ๐—›๐—ข๐—Ÿ๐—Ÿ๐—ฌ๐—ช๐—ข๐—ข๐—— ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”๐ŸŽญ, 4578 Yonge St, Unit 100, North York, ON: MIMI & TRACY. โ˜Ž๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฎ-๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฐโ˜Ž MIMI is a slim Chinese spinner hottie with a great ass, great body slide & liberal services. TRACY is a slim, taller & pretty lady, very friendly with an extensive menu. When you visit ๐ŸŽญHollywood Spa๐ŸŽญ, you will be treated with tender care
  45. ForeverWarden:
    Monday at ๐Ÿซฆโค๏ธ๐Ÿ”ดโ™พ๏ธ๐“•๐“ž๐“ก๐“”๐“ฅ๐“”๐“ก ๐“ข๐“Ÿ๐“โ™พ๏ธ๐ŸŸฅ๐Ÿ”ดโค๏ธ๐Ÿซฆ 2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿด๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฌ-๐Ÿณ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด๐Ÿณ: Bella, Cindy & New Girl Mimi. Bella is around 5โ€™3โ€ with a thin to medium build, C Cups, and a pleasing personality. She can offer dfk, bbbj and cfs as well as a good massage experience. Cindy is a slim beauty, 5โ€™4โ€, natural C Cups. Her massage is nice, her services will drive you wild & her finish is a dream
  46. HolidaySpa:
    Monday at ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒ…๐“—๐“ธ๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ญ๐“ช๐”‚ ๐“ข๐“น๐“ช๐ŸŒ…๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒด3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough โ˜Ž๏ธ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿต๐Ÿตโ˜Ž๏ธ: AMY & CINDY. AMY is an attractive young lady with larger breasts and a nice bottom. She has outstanding oral skills, and is very popular. Donโ€™t miss out on her special skills! CINDY is a slim & incredibly sexy lady with a smile that will melt your heart, & an ass that will fire up your spirit.
  47. SugarLoveSpa:
    Monday at โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’™ ๐Ÿ’œโŽ๐—ฆ๐—จ๐—š๐—”๐—ฅ ๐—Ÿ๐—ข๐—ฉ๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”โŽ ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’˜: ANA, KELLY & MIA. 1270 Finch Ave W (at Keele St), Unit 18. North York, ON โ˜Ž ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฑ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด โ˜Ž ANA is a young, short and sweet lady, 5โ€™1 & 105 Lbs, very tight, with a small to medium booty. Ana is a versatile honey who provides great massage, & can accommodate your needs. KELLY is a young Singaporean lady, slim with C Cups & liberal skills. MIA
  48. Soul Relax Spa:
    โœจ Looking for a relaxing escape? โœ… Click Here Meet๐ŸŒธLily๐ŸŒธCarly๐ŸŒธVivianCall us today for the best treatment and service experience. Click on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates ! Call now โ˜Ž 289 - 298 - 5662โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate relaxation awaits! โœจ
  49. bnwellness_wilson:
    We have 4 young girls are working today.Young pretty Lily 25โ€™s with curve body and young sweet Michelle 25โ€™s with curve body open mind and cute GFE Ella and young student Taiwanese Victoria 25โ€™s slime open mind are providing deep tissue and sensual massage,pls call 416-3985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome, back entrance and parking available. 350 Wilson Ave North York
  50. Red Rose Spa:
    ๐ŸŒธ We have 13 hot brown girls today ๐ŸŒธMONICA, PAOLA, SASHA, ASHA, MONIKA, AMANDA, PREETI, ANGELINA, SONIA, NISHA, ANGEL ๐ŸŒธ 2588 Birchmount ๐ŸŒธ 2 Invergordon ๐ŸŒธ 647-702-8800 ๐ŸŒธ Please visit for a great erotic massage
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