Values

[Smoked Ham]

As I'm sure we all know, I have some issues. Fortunately, not with any of the members here...I hope.

I've been slowly reading my way through The Happiness Trap, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) book. I've gotten to the part that has us identify our values. These aren't moral values, or material values...Well I guess they could be, but personal values. What do we as individuals value, what does our hearts crave? This has troubled me for the past week, and I've been plodding my way through it.

It's been extra difficult for me, because I typically tend to run away from this sort of stuff. I find soul searching very difficult. Also, to my knowledge, I operate under multiple schema, including emotional deprivation, defectiveness, social exclusion, dependence, subjugation, and probably several more.... This is problematic because is this value something I want, or something the schema makes me want....

The book breaks the values into four areas: relationships, work/education, personal growth/health and leisure. Some of these are difficult for me to put a finger on, or figure out what I want. It focuses on what do you want, and what can you contribute to it, because you can only control your own actions.

To help with the reading...Titles, questions, my answer, and my comments
So away we go....

Relationships
Partner -What sort of relationship do you want to build? Loving, emotionally open. As I said in Blissful's Love thread, I don't really know what love is....

How would you behave in this relationship? Thoughtfully/courteously, dependably, non-antagonistically I am very bad for acting antagonist in any form of relationship. Basically, I just start acting like a dick. Notice Loving or sex machine aren't in there....

What personal qualities do you want to develop? Emotional connection (connect with my own emotions), openness (to express what's on my mind/heart), over come my aversion to physical contact. (I don't like being touched...)

How would you treat others if you were the "ideal you" in the relationship. Don't be a dick. I can be a grade A dick with people I know.

Children
Don't plan on having kids...Cat in the Cradle springs to mind. (That song is hard for me to listen to)

Friends Ok, I just skipped this one.....Call me lazy

Work
What personal qualities would you like to bring to work? Hard working, dedicated, intelligent, creative, pleasant

How would you behave towards others if you were the ideal you? Conscientious, pleasant, even tempered, dependable
What sort of relationships would you want to build? Working friendships Friends at work, but not outside of work.

What skills/knowledge/personal qualities do you want to develop? Foresight, assertiveness, self restraint (I've gotten in trouble over emails I've sent ), computer skills (I'm the 3rd most skilled user in the store as it is, behind a woman who's been at the job for 10 years, and the guy that wrote the system we use)

Personal growth/health
What ongoing activities would you like to start or take again? Aikido, university programs/renew degree When I wrote that down I was "WTF did that come from?"

What groups or centres would you like to join? uhhhhhh......

What life style changes would you make? Improve on my diet, and cooking I can cook, but I don't like to and I'm rather limited.

Leisure
What sort of hobbies/sport/leisure do you want to participate in? Music, aikido, riding, running, working out

How do you wish to relax, unwind or have fun in healthy, life-enhancing ways? relax/unwind: Music, excercise, meditation I find exercise to be very relaxing Fun: uhhhhhhh, what is this "fun" he is talking about? Honestly?

What sorts of activities would you like to take up or do more of? Aikido, guitar/bass, run and ride


There we go, finally got to the end of it. Feel free to leave input or free form mocking, or your own values/answers.

Why does the image of Genevieve passing around a hat for donations so she can fuck the brains out of a certain loser come to mind?

Speaking of being a loser...18-19% body fat. :happy:

 

[Dan]

You are to hard on yourself. Learn to relax, we all feel this way at different points in our lives.

My Values: To be honest and help as much as I can. To forgive when I am ready to forgive.

Also I love Aikido, it is a fun form of defense do it.

If Gene wants to pass the hot here I will donate, if I can watch.:: Breath and get out into the Sun.

 

[azmarante27]

I agree, you are too hard on yourself.

Real Fun can be elusive...for me, it's all about being totally in the moment, which doesn't happen for me a lot. It's usually when I'm doing something outside my comfort zone...I'm seriously afraid of heights and water, and one of the most Fun things I've ever done was parasail. It was ten years ago, and it still cheers me up when I think about it.

Find something that scares you, and do it. It's a very fine line between the Fear and the Rush, and the Fun is on the Rush side.

 

[Know It All]

Dave if you put just half the effort you did on writing this thread into your life you will go a long way.

Well put together and thoroughly reserched. Now do the same with your life and Bingo, you are a winner.

 

[Justin M]

Dave, do you know who Dale Carnegie is?. Read his books.

 

[1saintofGod]

Dude you are too harsh on yourself. Make peace with yourself.

 

[Rockford]

Dave, I will contribute to " The Genevieve fuck Dave silly campaign" :grrrrrr:

 

[Bobby Cowboy Man]

Well said. Dave, pay attention.

 

[Steav T]

As a follow up to my first post...

A lot of what was contained in there are my values, or aspects of an "ideal" me....The Dave I would want to be. Now what you don't get to see is where I stand in relation to actually fulfilling some of those ideals.

Sadly, I can't use Tobias Lundgren's bull's eye here, so I'll just have to write about it. Basically, you take a large bull's eye and place marks on it to represent the four groupings of values, in relation to the center. The closer they are, the closer you are to living fully within your values.

At work, I am very hard working and dependable (I haven't missed a day's work in....Nearly 3 years) I can be intelligent and creative as needed. (I've had head office types comment on that) I have been told the people I work with like working with me, because I'm easy to get along with and not pushy. But I'm a very submissive/passive individual when dealing with others, so I do need to work on my assertiveness. As for foresight...We'll I often forget what features I have coming up, so...

Leisure I'm batting about .500. The activities I list as relaxing are activities I currently do, or at least don't do enough of. As for the fun aspect, well.....

More to come, but for now, I have to run...

 

[msd]

Step number 1. Good for you to acknowledge that now go and correct it.

 

[Iphigenia]

Batting .500 is not good enough Dave. At least .750 to succeed.

 

[Courtney]

With regards to work, yes, I need to develop a degree of assertiveness. As my manager said "Dave, you gotta grow some balls." Where to start on that though....




Well I said I'm batting .500 is because a lot of the activities that I find relaxing are ones I already do. But when it came to things I do for fun, well I just plain struck out. As did what groups would I like to be a member of.

 

[rawr]

I'll contribute as well and match what's in the hat.

 

[jwthoughts]

So if we take the contributions to date, we have..... 50¢ and two buttons (thanks el matador)

Probably the one area that I'm most out of touch with my values is in the realm of relationships. But when I can't be open and loving to those that are closest to me....That being family. I don't know where to begin with someone else....