Wife cheating

[NeoNerd]

Can't be bothered, you're repeating yourself and not considering my responses.

 

[Fallon]

I AM considering your responses but they're not making any real world sense.

If I understand you correctly people cannot control who they get involved with because they cannot.

If I understand you correctly anyone who DOES have the common sense to avoid people they might fall for they are "hardened" and never allowed themselves to fall for someone.

It's not black and white.......someone CAN be attracted to someone else and NOT get involved with them.........and no, they aren't hardened unfeeling automatons, they just exhibit some modicrum of self control.

 

[ali.a.j]

Love isn't a decision, you don't sit down and decide who you're going to have feelings for.
You can choose to avoid them, but you're still thinking of them.

You make this sound like a weakness and not rational, maybe so but it's human. It's often why people marry someone who isn't suitable.
We can look back and see where we went wrong when we aren't blinded by love.

 

[EzLover23]

So, if I understand you, you're saying that there is NO middle ground? You meet and instantly fall in love? It's an either or situation?

Sorry, but having feelings for someone is 100% totally different than being in love with them.

BTW: people are with people who aren't suitable for them because they allowed those feelings to grow into something akin to love instead of avoiding the person like the plaque. No, that's not "hardness" that's common sense.

If we all just went with our emotions whatever they may be the world would be in a LOT worse shape than it is now......

Now please answer my question:

If you have feelings for a rapist, must you act on them?
If you have feelings for an underage girl, must you act on them?
If you have feelings of rage to the guy who cut you off, must you act on them?

Or are you saying that you only must act on the positive emotions? (which is hypocritical because if you're going to advocate acting on your emotions you must also advocate acting on ALL emotions because, we can't control who we have feelings for or what those feelings are....)

 

[jazzie606]

Are you never guided by emotion? Everyone does in varying degrees, nobody is saying it's 100% except you.

Then you take a statement I made to the illogical extreme and say it's my view, talking about rape and murder as choices when there are so many reasons these acts happen. It's why many say it's impossible to have a reasonable discussion with you.

 

[Alia M]

I agree with your examples, but you're giving examples of great stupidness.

Not too long ago, I would have agreed with you 100% on falling for someone while in a relationship. Common sense and self-discipline, right? Nothing happens unless we allow it to happen.

Even in the hobby, most guys (and girls) I know have "rules" about getting personal and mixing business with pleasure.

But life's not that black and white. This isn't about banging a stripper with big tits the first time you get a dance. This is about getting along with someone, becoming friends and then falling in love. Or spending more hours with a work colleague than your spouse and waking up one morning to realize that you've got feelings for her. It's that initial slippery slope of becoming friends, and its in that twilight zone that feelings develop beyond lust and infatuation.

I agree that it would be easy to stay out of that zone altogether, but once you're in, it's bloody hard to keep from going further. Not impossible, just damned difficult.

I've learned a few things about life, and myself, in the past while.

 

[~~*Paradise Dreams*~~]

Exactly my point. It doesn't happen overnight and that's the gist of what Auggie is saying. There is plenty of time to put out the fire before it starts by avoiding the person, not answering their calls, not calling them, in other words, NOT persuing them.

As for my extremes, why are they any different than falling for someone "normal"? It seems, according to Auggie Rules, we are guided by our emotions and cannot help who we like. If Auggie Rules apply then they apply.

Why is it MORE stupid to fall for a Geoffry Dahmer than someone else while you're married? You're risking your entire life (home/family/wife/kids) so it shouldn't matter WHO you are falling for.....

I mean seriously, what's so different about a drug dealer or rapist than an abusive spouse?

What it boils down to is that when you're in a monogamous relationship, you SHOULD be in control of your emotions and NOT allow yourself to get attached to anyone other than your spouse. Or at least NOT to act on those emotions and contrary to Auggie RUles, there are some of us who DO have the ability to have emotions, and not act on them.

In case Auggie isn't aware, there are some out there who test the waters before diving in. Then there are others who climb up the high platform and leap off only to find too late the water is only an inch deep. I'm one of the former, I'll find out as much as I can about someone before letting it get past the platonic stage....Maybe if more people did that there'd be less divorce, less abuse, less fatherless children, less disease, etc etc etc. But this just is an example of what a self-indulgent society we've become where "damn the consequences I'm doing what I want to do" attitude is becoming the norm.....

But again, look where this subject is being discussed? Where probably 80% of the guys here are married and fuck escorts........

 

[Robert Abuse]

before anyone can offer advice i think more facts need to be considered

Muckin
do you have kids - how old are they?
what financial resources are at stake?
would you be better off going your separate ways ie have you considered leaving her?
what are your options/resources/lifestyle with and without her?
how would this decision impact you and your family, your work?

sounds like if you are considering wicked you were both missing some action
guys don't be so naive to think while you are out banging sp's that your wife is not working something too
every girl i ever slept with in Vegas was married...and they all said "I never do this"

 

[Yellowcake .]

if you find out for sure she is cheating you can get angry...
my husband cheated on me and I've told friends I'd rather he had gone to a prostitute...
they didn't understand this but seeing a SP is a business transaction, she doesn't want to steal your husband away from you, she's not going to be texting him, begging him to come see her, asking him to leave his wife...there's no emotion it it. My husband dated a woman for 3 months...had sex with her in our boat...in the seat I sit in when driving....he skipped going up north with me and our kids in the summer to stay here and screw her....and they talked on the phone and texted hundreds of times a day. He spent thousands of dollars on her between texts, long distance phone charges, taking her to dinner and movies, gas to drive to see her (40 min away in a big truck) .
He has friends that are friends with her and we're fighting now over if he can go to his friends cottage fishing (he is related to her) I say no...she might go and I don't know these people....
trust me, an affair is much worse than paying for sex!
That said, I wouldn't be thrilled if he was doing that behind my back either...we've done it once together.

 

[Lara]

No worries, there will be 2 divorce lawyers very happy with the fees they will be making if you and your wife call it quits. Muck 60% of your salary will go to your wife who will claim to spend it on the kids (if you have any). About 30% of it maybe but the other 30% will be used for her make over and new free life style. One more thing to mention is that starting in December if you don't pay they will take your car!!! Forget the lawyer, if you have kids try and stick it out until they are over 16, it's cheaper.

THANK GOD I am single!!

 

[God eats babies]

JB the FRO is only trying to make the deadbeat dads pay. I am not sure if the new policy is fair or not, it probably nets a lot of innocent pops that are the victims of revengeful ex-wives but I would hope there are counters and balances in the system to not bring everyone down unfairly.

It seems Muck has solved his problem and creating an open marriage which is a great option I think. Look at the couples we have here, awesome just awesome and I am so jealous.:great: