Does sex get boring in a long term relationship?

[Abuhurairah]

So I read the other day that in a long term relationship, it is natural for a decline in the frequency of sexual activity after a few years. Is it true? I am 24, my longest relationship was 4 months with lots of sex. And I was looking forward to having a lot of sex over the years, but now I'm a little concerned.

I mean, sure, it might happen in some cases, but it can't be the norm, right? It possibly depends on individual cases, the nature and dynamics of the particular relationship, the amount of intimacy and warmth between partners, and possibly some other determinants that I'm overlooking right now. A generalization can't possibly be true for the entire population, right?

Comments? Experiences? When did you started having less sex / stopped having sex altogether?​

 

[Rio]

Yes if you let it but if you get married it doesn't get less boring because you never get any.

 

[Andrea H]

awwww...this just might be the most adorable first post ever. Welcome to the board, Oakley.

If they stay together long enough, even the most heated, passionate, in-love couple will go through times when the sex is scarce or less-than-inspired. Think about it...they meet, it's new and heated and funfunfun, and they think it will always be that way because it's so intense. Fast forward ten years...there are careers and kids and sick parents and fights and familiarity and disillusionment and boredom and he has moobies and she has front-bum, and they've fucked each other a thousand times already so really what's the big deal if they skip a night? Then a week, then a month, then the untended fire dies away and they're left staring at the ashes wondering when it happened.

Or, they recognize what's happening as it happens and find ways to stoke the flame, but that takes an honesty and effort that not everyone is willing or able to make. There are long-term couples who can keep the Heat going, but I don't think they are the norm.

 

[servmal]

I'll let you know when it happens.

 

[Happy Hunter]

Show me a guy with a hot wife and I will show you a guy who is tired a banging her . They all get boring:gasp:

 

[JOPS G]

Looks to me like you were in one of them. A very smart way of thinking, kudos to you girl.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Of course anything you do over and over again can become mundane, even something fun like sex. But if you get creative you can keep things spicey. My favorites: outdoor sex or at sex clubs, role playing/fantasy, a touch of bdsm, sex on the kitchen table or against the sliding glass doors or even invite a 3rd in to enjoy the fun (tons of fun!!!).

 

[Ryan I]

I get my stud muffin buddy to come over and do the wife while I watch and then I get him to do me while she watches .I wish he was a bit bigger thoarty: This keeps the spice in our union.

 

[Mysterio]

See!! That is thinking outside the box!

 

[maria41986]

I think I may run of with him , he has bigger boobs and does better DFK:

 

[Mr. Systemic Autistic]

I see many couples that the wife is hot and assume he is a lucky bastard then hear that he is banging other babes. Looks is not everything.

 

[Marmalade]

Exactly and many times the other babes are not as hot as the wife.Most guys just want change.:

 

[SupR]

Well, the longest relationship I was ever in was 5 yrs plus and I will let you in on a little secret (not like this is rocket science):

Men and women look at sex differently. Men look at it as recreation more so than procreation and many women look at it as a means to an end. Just like how much attention they pay to themselves when they're on the prowl. They'll spend HOURS choosing the right skirt, shoes, blouse, perfume, get their nails done, etc etc etc.

Then they hear the words "I love you" and or "I do" and then the WHOLE world changes. You're used to her coming to bed at night wearing something from Victoria's Secret and next thing you know she's coming to bed with underwear that you wouldn't wash your car with and a bush the size of a redwood forest.....

Now this could just be an urban legend but I can see a bride saying this:

After the ceremony in the church a bride is overheard saying to her Maid of Honor: Thank god, no more blow jobs.....and dude, that IS the truth.....

(sure, there are some exceptions but I have yet to see a married couple where the husband doesn't complain about his wife wanting sex like before they were married....it just doesn't happen).

 

[johnny_depp_fann]

I m never getting married after reading this thread as well as Barbara's....

ps. I was in a 8 yr relationship and sex was never boring. Yet we werent married and we started dating at the age of 17.

pss. Perhaps I shouldnt say "Never"...but ......

 

[anonon]

It's ok to say never, because then if you are ever so inclined, you'll remember these threads.....seriously, the very second you say I do, you're really saying "I do give up half of everything I own, will own, or ever will own....I do, give up half of everything I've earned, am earning and ever will earn"......

The only way I will ever marry is if Jennifer Aniston or Marissa Tomei walked through my front door and asked to be my love slave......so yeah, NEVER lol......

BTW: yeah, sex CAN be good after a few years, but then IMO it is only 'good' because since you only get it every 6 months, you have to make the best of it lol.

I tell ya though. My longest relationship was with a real sex kitten. She'd want it all the time...at the beginning. Then it was every second time we'd see each other...then third....then fourth...then once in a while and every time it was I who had to initiate......

 

[Pompal 09.]

Marriage is all what you both make it and what you both are willing to put into it. Peace, don't give up! You just might find that perfect match and you'll thank your lucky stars everyday after. Ill cross my fingers for you.

 

[Eman G]

Tboy, "No more blow jobs"?? That is a just a shameful thing to say and amoungst my married girlfriends its just NOT true. And maybe the frequency of sex isnt there because of careers or kids but the intensity and fun can still be there or even better if both parties want to work at it.

 

[Suzuki]

Sorry, but did you eyewitness these blow jobs given by your married friends? I ask because I don't know of anyone on this planet who is 100% truthful about everything they say or do.

As for reasons for the less frequent sex, kids? yeah, I've heard that one a LOT. Ssssh stop, the kids might hear you....total BS. The reason for less frequency isn't because the kids might hear, it's because the wife has become a mom instead of a sexual being. Don't take my word for it, talk to any shrink, therapist, sex advice counsellor......

Now this isn't saying very single woman who was ever born and reached maturity is this way, but after meeting, and listening to maybe 200 or more married or attached men, and them ALL saying exactly the same thing, you have to lend some credibility to what they're saying.

 

[Mucky pup]

Very good points Tboy. All of my married friends tell me not to do it. I had one good buddy ask me when I am getting hitched, I asked him why the concern?

His response-"dude I've suffered for the last 3 years of my 5 year marriage, I just want more in the suffering club."

I think I will hold off while the getting is still good.

 

[Mariska]

That is true, and it includes your married friends. Did you ever ask if they're acting the same way they did when they first got together with their wife?

I'm just saying these things are a two-way street. It's not just women who stop making an effort when things get comfortable.

As far as your comments about kids...um, yea, talk to me after you've raised one. Some of us managed to retain our sexuality after we became Mom, but that doesn't mean we're not concerned about waking up the kid who took 18 hours to fall asleep.

The breakdown of Heat in a relationship is rarely due to one person, it's usually a lack of effort from both parties. She gained 10 lbs. and doesn't give long bj's anymore....he gained 10 lbs. and doesn't look up to say hello when she gets home.

I'm not saying your friends are lying about the sexual frequency, I'm just saying you're probably not getting the whole story. It takes two to tango, and two to not.

Women want to feel close to have sex...men want to have sex to feel close. It is one of the great ironies of life.