Make your SO happy

And what is so wrong with a mutually beneficial symbiotic relationship?
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CG: it's not about that at all....the key to the previous posts is relying on your partner for your happiness and giving up making yourself happy to do that. That is the pure definitioin of co-dependency. See, the thing is, if you rely on someone else for your happiness, you also will blame them when you're pissed off, horny, frigid, cold, warm, etc.

The thing the comments in this thread don't even touch on, is that a relationship is made up of 1 + 1 = 2. ONE plus ONE. Two distinct and unique individuals. If you lose that, you lose the relationship. EOS.

Using you as an example, and using Amy's "spend your life making your partner happy" you'd have to give up biking because, other than getting you out of her hair for a while lol, how does that make your wife happy? She's probably happy you do something you enjoy, get it? Something YOU enjoy. I know you'd probably like it if your wife took up the sport, but in Amy's definition, she should. She should do that because it would make you happy(ier). But in the meantime, she'd probably be miserable otherwise she would have done it by now.

I've used this example before: I dated a girl and one night at her place she was making Kraft Dinner. SHe said she puts dried mustard in it, try it. I tried it, hated it (tasted like ass) but finished up. So a while later she's making it again and I ask her to scoop mine out before putting the mustard in. What'd she do? Put it in without taking mine out....when I took a bite I said "you didn't scoop mine out"? Her answer? No, you should learn to like it because that's how I make it".

Sorry, but it tasted like ass and by the definitions put forth here, I should eat it even though it made me naseous "just because it made her happy". Sorry, that is the purest form of co-dependency. I will not do something detrimental to my health and happiness just for the sake of someone else's happiness.

Put it another way, would you FORCE your wife to have a threesome if she didn't like women? Sooner or later she'd start to resent you. By the definitions here, if a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, wants their partner to have a bi-sexual experience, they should "just because it made their partner happy".

So, if your wife CG asked you to let a guy fuck you up the ass, would you? (just to make her happy)......I bet you wouldn't.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about sharing housework, picking up after yourself, or what would generally be called "maintenance" stuff. Stuff like seeing her parents if you really didn't like them. I'm talking about things that are "you" at your core (in your case biking) or things like letting a guy push in your stool for you. I'm talking about say you wanting to buy a Blu Ray player and her saying no because she wanted a new pair of Jimmy Choo strappy sandals......

I can't TELL you how many times I've talked to guys and women who have said "oh I can't do that without checking with _____ first" (when discussing things like buying something, or making a date to go watch the UFC or ??). Sorry, but if you have to check with your wife to see if it's ok for you to go out, it's time to have a big long talk with her and it isn't about you going out. I even heard someone say "they might have made plans" well BFD if they did? If they did and didn't tell you, then it's their fault.

See I see a relationship as a partnership. She has her life, likes, loves, habits, hobbies, etc and I have mine. We can do our own thing apart, we can do things together, and when we do things apart we come back and share our experiences with each other. A great couple I used to know used to do things apart all the time. She was really into fencing and (I forget what he liked to do). When I talked to her she said "oh I love it when he goes to ____, I have the place to myself for a few hours and he comes home happy". He said "oh I love it when she goes to fencing, I have the place to myself for a couple of hours and when she comes home all charged up she fucks my brains out".
 
We are slaves to each others wants and needs so lay back or on top an enjoy.:666:
 
^^^^ perfect example.......

(so if brash wanted you to have sex with a dog, you'd be all for it right???)
 
I'm strangely curious, yet mildly afraid, to hear the answer....
 
LMAO luv that idea!



You bet!



Huh?? You kinda confused me there. Okay lemme try and see if I can explain what I meant using your example.

Instead of thinking about buying yourself a Rolex, you'd buy her one if that's what she really wanted. And she'd buy you one instead of spending the money on a gift for herself. That way you both get what you want plus you're actually working towards making someone other than yourself happy.

In all actuality, I get a tremendous amount of pleasure making people I care for happy. And no I do not depend on them or their joy for my entire happiness. That would be suicidal. There are plenty of people that will never be happy even if you give them everything. You must first be able to choose wisely who you try to make happy. Second, you must be able to see what really would make them happy, not what would make you happy if you were them or even sometimes not what they say would make them happy. And lastly, you must be able to actually DO it. If that's too much work for you, then yep you should just stick with being by yourself.
 
No she shouldn't "do it to make him happy". She should try to learn to enjoy it too in any way she can because it IS something that gives him a lot of pleasure. And she shouldn't feel forced into it. If she didn't want to in some way, any way, share something that was such a big part of his life, then they wouldn't be together.



That's insane lol. Expecting you to like mustard in KD is absurd. I think it's sweet that you at least tried it.



If it's something that really really turns the person you're with on, yes I think you should try it. But you need to try and find something about it that turns you on too. Nobody sane wants to feel like their partner is forced into doing something they don't want for themselves.



I used to think that all couples should stay together and share and do everything together but that really is impossible for most of us and something that we just aren't equipped to handle. The key though is to want to share the experiences you had apart when you're together again. If you don't want and need that, then why bother being together? Just so you're not alone? That's really sad :(
 
I think Amy is right. But finding that someone is difficult, and it only takes one or two very bad experiences to turn you off trying. Losing hope sucks.
 
THAT is what I'm talking about. Sorry ames, but just about everything else you said indicates co-dependency.

See, in the true definition of "making your SO happy" in the rolex scenario, if she bought you one, you'd sell it and buy her her Jimmy Choos. WHich is wrong on so many levels. See, many posted here that one should strive to make their SO happy. No. Negative, ixnay on the make ay. If she can't make herself or himself happy, then how the hell can you? You can't, that's the problem (or my point whichever you prefer) and trying is just going to bring YOU down not them UP.

So you think CG's wife should take up biking and learn to enjoy it. Ok, substitute having sex with a dog, or having sex with a corpse, for biking. If Guy X wants his wife to have sex with a dog, she should do it? WHOA nelly ixnay on the sexnay lol.

WHich brings me back to my point: if you have to ask, coerce, or the other person just doesn't want to do it, they shouldn't and you shouldn't ask.

See the key to the situation is: You should never do something "just to make the other happy". If you can't find enough things to do that make you both happy, together or apart, you shouldn't be together.

Once again, using the mother in law as an example, if they positively hate you, then no, you shouldn't go "just to make your partner happy". I dated a greek woman once and I sensed resentment or ill feelings towards me when I was there, and they said they didn't like me to my GF, but never to my face. One time her mother said right to my face "you're nothing, you have no say, you're not greek...." That was the last time I ever stepped across their threshold and it really bothered me that the GF would allow her mother to say that.....

See, you learn as you go along. Unfortunately I learned in my 40's as opposed to my 20's......I hate to say it but (one of many) reasons why the divorce rate is so high, and you HEAR this all the time, is that you're too busy trying to make the other person happy, just to keep the peace, that eventually, it falls apart.

See, CG and his wife have common ground, things they enjoy doing together, and things they enjoy apart which is probably why it seems like they have a great marriage. I have seen TOO many times where one party bends so often to the other's will, that they eventually break.

The KD is a perfect example of what I watch for: people who not only expect you to bend, but to bend to their way or no way. Well, it's no way TYVM....

Rawd: it didn't take 1 or 2, with me it was 5 or 10 (among other reasons) but I will tell you this: I gave up, quit, threw in the towel, stopped chasing shadows and ever since then? I have been SO at peace with myself and happy, it ought to be illegal.

I just wish MORE people would realize this sooner as opposed to later.

See, the "chase" is a fricken game and the rules are rigged to the woman's favour. Women love guys that have hope. They live off them. Now before everyone jumps on me for saying that, when women start asking men out, or approaching men 30 times a night and face rejection from every one, THEN and ONLY then will the playing field be equal......

Anyhow, back to your regularly scheduled mayhem lol......
 
Precisely, but I'd like to add just one thing... while doing these things we enjoy doing apart, neither of us begrudges the other or tries to manipulate them into not doing them...
 
Where is this true definition? And in what universe would that outcome make either person happy? :arf:



That's not what I said but ya that is kinda what I think.



IF something like that is your partner's moral code, then you should want to share it with him. If you don't, if you can't, then you're not really with him...you're not really together.



Ofcourse they shouldn't and ofcourse you shouldn't ask them to. They should want to be or even see, witness, know a part of what makes you happy without you asking.



It's not a matter of can't, it's about what one will or won't.



Wow that's just wrong. She should have been the one to step in and say something or walk out.



I agree.
 
I don't really know you nor am I a psychologist, but from your answers you do sound very much a co-dependant personality........

Being with someone doesn't mean being exactly like them, thinking exactly like them, relying on them for your happiness. I think you miss the part where a relationship is made up of two distinct individuals.....

One can have a "not my cup of tea but if it works for you, great" attitude yet not want to partake. For eg: I believe whatever happens between two consenting adults in the bedroom should be their business. Does that mean that my partner MUST MUST MUST feel the same way? NO it doesn't. My partner may like shopping for shoes, does that mean I MUST MUST MUST like it? No it doesn't. I like woodworking and cabinet making. Does that mean my wife MUST MUST MUST like it? No it doesn't.

I've used this couple as an example before: A friend of an old gf was a frou frou fashionista who looked and acted like a french runway model. She used to go for GQ model type guys and was always getting burned by them. One time after she was over lamenting on boo hoo hoo how she was burned yet again, I finally told her to try something different, go for the exact opposite of what she's been going for. So she met a contractor jeans and T shirt guy and they ended up getting married. Last time I spoke to them they had been together 12 yrs and have 2 kids. He goes bowling and drinking beer with his friends, she goes to Holt Renfrew fashion shopping with her friends. She's French and he's Sudbury English. They couldn't be more opposite if they tried yet here they are, 12 yrs together and happier than 2 pigs in a pen......
 
I have NO freakin idea where I said that or implied that. I'm quite obviously not explaining myself well, sorry!
 
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  39. Moneylee:
    All season wellness center : New Young girl big boobs beautiful face deep massage Zoe ,young girl pretty face nice figure Thai deep massage Helen,Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament summer ,Young girl Big breasted saucy naughty Ella , Enchanting sexy petite deep massage Sherry ,address: #5-30 Rambler dr Brampton ,Ontario L6W 1E2โ˜Ž๏ธ4376655510 ๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ‘„
  40. Annie Spa:
    ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ANNIE SPA๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ โœ…7-1001 SANDHURST CIRCLEโœ… ๐Ÿ‘ŒSCARBOROUGH ON M1V 1Z6๐Ÿ‘Œ โ˜Ž๏ธ (647) 891-9688โ˜Ž๏ธ โ˜Ž๏ธ (416) 291-8879โ˜Ž๏ธ (FINCH & MCCOWAN) OPEN 9:30am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY ๐Ÿ”ฅโœ…NEW MANAGEMENT๐Ÿ’ฏNEW GIRLS๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿ”ฅGORGEOUS NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS - TODAYโ€™s ROSTER INCLUDES: ๐Ÿ”ฅ Feifei๐Ÿ˜˜Our new Taiwanese beauty Feifei specializes in creating an intimate and deeply relaxing massage experience tailored to your desires. Her soft, skilled hands glide effortlessly, easing tension and awakening your senses with
  41. Moneylee:
    Full season wellness center: Young girl Big-breasted big big butts Aris , Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament big boobs Rose,Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament big boobs Julia ,Young beautiful face sexy body and good deep massage maggie,Enchanting sexy petite deep massage Mary. ๐Ÿ  2560 Shepard ave Mississauga unit 1 โ˜Ž๏ธ 4379857899 ๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿˆต๏ธ
  42. Golden Sunshine Spa:
    โœจClick on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates and special services ! โœ… Click Here Today๐ŸŒธAkame๐ŸŒธChristina๐ŸŒธCamila๐ŸŒธLynda๐ŸŒธAntonela Call us โ˜Ž 905 - 265 - 2158โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate service awaits! โœจ
  43. bnwellness_wilson:
    We have 4 masseuse are working today. Vicky,Mia,Ella and Lina are providing deep tissue massage, pls call 4163985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome, back entrance and parking available. 350 Wilson Ave North York
  44. AliceSpa:
    WEDNESDAY at ๐—”๐—Ÿ๐—œ๐—–๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—” 416-298-0898, 4915 Steeles Ave. E, Scarborough 3 very nice girls here today. Open 10am to 9pm: AMY (12pm โ€“ 9pm) is a young, petite short & slim Taiwanese, former dance instructor, firm natural B Cups, pretty face, firm natural titis, super play good, bbbj, cim, rim, dfk, all services. APPLE: from Hong Kong, very small body, 5' 100Lbs, petite with natural C Cups
  45. HollywoodSpa:
    Wednesday at ๐ŸŽญ๐—›๐—ข๐—Ÿ๐—Ÿ๐—ฌ๐—ช๐—ข๐—ข๐—— ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”๐ŸŽญ, 4578 Yonge St, Unit 100, North York, ON: NICOLE & SISI. โ˜Ž๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฎ-๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฐโ˜Ž NICOLE is petite, slim and very pretty, with C Cups , long hair & a slim waist. She has nice massage and great services. SISI is a sweet slim beauty, 5โ€™2โ€, with a beauty ass, excellent massage, and amazing services. Come and see why she is so popular. When you visit ๐ŸŽญHollywood
  46. ForeverWarden:
    Wednesday at ๐Ÿซฆโค๏ธ๐Ÿ”ด๐ŸŸฅโ™พ๏ธ๐“•๐“ž๐“ก๐“”๐“ฅ๐“”๐“ก ๐“ข๐“Ÿ๐“โ™พ๏ธ๐ŸŸฅ๐Ÿ”ดโค๏ธ๐Ÿซฆ2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿด๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฌ-๐Ÿณ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด๐Ÿณ: Bella, Cindy & Sasa. Bella is around 5โ€™3โ€ with a thin to medium build, C Cups, and a pleasing personality. She can offer dfk, bbbj and cfs as well as a good massage experience. Cindy is a slim beauty, 5โ€™4โ€, natural C Cups. Her massage is nice, her services will drive you wild & her finish is a dream
  47. HolidaySpa:
    Wednesday at ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒ…๐“—๐“ธ๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ญ๐“ช๐”‚ ๐“ข๐“น๐“ช๐ŸŒ…๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒด3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough โ˜Ž๏ธ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿต๐Ÿตโ˜Ž๏ธ: EMILY, KIKI & CINDY. EMILY is a VERY tiny petite SPINNER superstar of the highest quality. Emily has a pretty face, natural A Cups, slim waist, and a lovely spinner bottom, topped off with the very best of services. Kiki is very attractive, young, about 5โ€™4โ€ and 110 Lbs., slim with a banging body.
  48. SugarLoveSpa:
    Wednesday at โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’™ ๐Ÿ’œโŽ๐—ฆ๐—จ๐—š๐—”๐—ฅ ๐—Ÿ๐—ข๐—ฉ๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”โŽ ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’˜: ELLA, LISA, SUSAN & TIFFANY. 1270 Finch Ave W (at Keele St), Unit 18. North York, ON โ˜Ž ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฑ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด โ˜Ž ELLA is a lovely Thai sweetheart, 5โ€™1โ€ with C Cups, smooth skin and a very pleasing attitude. LISA is a cute & petite Thai/Chinese mixed beauty with decent massage skills and liberal services.
  49. luckywellness:
    Lucky Wellness Center 4379721888 295 Eglinton Ave E,Unit 7,Mississauga Niko and Kiki work
  50. Lulu1980:
    Phoenix Blossom Spa ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน2 girls ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ5124 Dundas St W Etobicokeโ˜Ž๏ธ416-817-3366๐Ÿ‘ New Japanese girl Nina โค๏ธ Natural Big Boobs 38 DD ๐Ÿ˜˜Pink Mini Nipples Hot body slide, super enjoyable๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜ very provocative service๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜, professional super Luna deep tissue massage, has therapeutic effect to loosen bones and relieve muscle pressure and will bring you unexpected service effects, she will bring you a little surprise๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜โค๏ธYou are welcome to make an appointment at any time or walk in the back
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