Sex With SO

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It is significant, but sustainable enough until the kids are out of the house. That's the point I'll have the leisure to re-evaluate. We've been like this for the 17 years so I'm pretty sure it's not going to change. Yes we've talked (read argued) about our sex life or lack of it but to no avail.
My own version of the O-Ranch would be wonderful I'm sure, but it will have to remain just a dream.



I won't write a novella on my marriage... I'll just leave it as I've tried everything I can for 17 years. Sex was never a priority with her, and it still isn't... nor will it ever likely be. I knew this when I married her as we had already had fights about it back in the beginning. I married her hoping that it would change, I should have known better so I've no one to blame but myself. This is the bed I made.

The upside is my 2 wonderful children, wouldn't give them up for the world. She's a great mother to the kids and we mostly get along well. The bigger picture dictates to me that I suck it up and soldier on. Every so often, I get a bit of sugar coating... one or two hours at a time. :)
 
Do you both find each other attractive. Did you stop caring about your appearances. Do you take each other for granted?.
 
Kind of an important part of your puzzle, although I don't see why all the blame should fall on you. You didn't get married by yourself, and it was an issue you were both aware of.

I think it happens a lot, people underestimating the importance of sexual compatibility. Some people want sex all the time, some rarely, some never....it's all okay, but it matters if partners are around the same level.

What would happen if she wanted to get laid and you turned her down? I mean if everyone's just going through the motions, would it matter to her?
 
This would mean that a woman had to make the first move and we ALL know the only women who do that are SP's......

If and that's a mighty huge IF, she made the first move, she'd probably feel devistated and never make the first move ever again. In addition, she'd probably lay it all out to all her girlfriends about what an asshole her husband is.....never considering for one second that she probably did it to him 1,000s of times......

Most of the "blame" lies with him because he knew this going into the marriage. Hence really, he shouldn't really be complaining about it now. But really this isn't any different than the women who complain about their husband's habits that they knew about before the wedding. This is one of the reasons I think people are a little indoctrinated about getting married. So many go through with it knowing that there are some major issues with their spouse.......

This is a good example: A couple (who aren't together any longer) I knew and I went to a popular nightclub one night. He was Mr Popular and the biggest flirt on the planet. He was off doing what he does best and she was F U M I N G and started to bitch at me about him. I finally couldn't take it any longer and laid into her: you KNEW he was like this before you even met so WHY on earth do you think he'd be any different with YOU?????? I mean, THOSE were the very traits that attracted you to him so you have NO right to bitch about them now.....
 
Perhaps if no woman has ever made the first move with you, that says more about you than it does about all women. :roll:

You seem to have no problem painting all women with the same brush, Tboy. That would be like me saying "all men are selfish cheating neanderthal inconsiderate selfish ballscratching cheating lying selfish assholes".

That's not true, and it wouldn't be fair for me to believe it is. Although I admit the thought does occasionally cross my mind.

ok, I do believe the ballscratching part is true. :tongue:
 
Once again SG, bang on, but sometimes you just have to scratch um 'cause they itch or they're just not dressed right or left, whichever.
 
See? this is a perfect example of how a man dares to state the obvious about most women, and on ONE subject I might add, then she turns it around to be about ME.

For the record Silly, I have been at this for 40 yrs, and in that time twice has a woman made the first move with me (stranger or gf). Also in the past 20 yrs I've asked just about every woman I meet: would you ever approach a man or make the first move? of about 300, ONE said no. The rest? To a one said HELL yeah.

The next question? Have you ever made the first move? So far I have yet to find a woman that answered yes to that second question....

Oh, and for the record? Making the first move isn't walking into the garage while he's changing the oil in the car at 9 oclock and saying "coming to bed"?????



No it's not the same in the least. I pointed out one issue that most if not all married couples have and you come back with the above. And since you had trouble reading, I specifically said in a marriage, NOT all women and not all marriages, and I specifically said in those that I've encountered.....what part of that don't you understand?????

I have a challenge for you: find me 10 scientific studies that show the vast majority of sexually related problems in a marriage are because the MAN doesn't want sex, and I'll find and link to 1,000 that show it is because the woman doesn't want sex.

Sorry, you can turn it around in your mind all you want but the fact of the matter is: In the majority of cases where no sex occurs in a marriage or relationship, it is because the woman no longer is interested.

If the opposite is true, please explain why there aren't just as many male escorts as female?
 
Ok...perhaps it would be helpful if we were to clarify what we mean by "making the first move". Because I thought we were talking about sexually, in the confines of a longterm relationship. Apparently you are also including just approaching a strange man, which is not the situation I was talking about at all when I was snippy to you...sorry.



When you said that in response to my question to the OP about just turning his SO down, I thought you were implying that only an SP would make the first move, sexually, with a man. Apparently you're right, my reading skills must be very poor.

You do have another point...there are women who slip on the ring and think they never have to give head again. There are men who slip on the ring and think they don't have to remember her birthday anymore. All of these people are stupid, because no one likes being taken for granted. It's like they think the wedding is the big goal, the big score, when in fact it's just the first round of a long complicated match.

"the hunt is over" is a very dangerous mindset in a LTR.

Sometimes, like the OP, people are just mismatched. They think they can live with it at the beginning, think other things will balance it out, but how can they possibly know how hard it will be as the decades pass? They can't, no one could.
 
I meant making the first move in every sense. Sexually in an LTR, with a stranger, or just approaching a man in general....

Tell me: in all the times you've had sex, how many times have YOU intiated the act? In all the dates you've been on, how many times was it YOU who asked HIM out?

Back to the topic at hand however:

To the OP:

When you first started dating your wife, did you two have an active sex life?
 
I'm in decent shape still, she's put on a bit of weight over the years, but I like a bit of cushion. We probably do take each other for granted a bit, but nothing over the top. The majority of the relationship is fine... it's always just been the lack of sex.



I am by no means complaining about it. I just started this thread as an observation. Indeed I made my own bed and am lying in it now.



SG hits the spot on this one. I was naive enough back in the day that I thought it would improve and idealistic enough that I thought it wouldn't matter.



Very active, right up until we moved in together and we got engaged. Shortly after that it started to drop off.

Bottom line - Classic "If I knew then what I know today"... Strictly on a sex and marriage basis I probably wouldn't have gone through with it. HOWEVER... as soon as my first child was born, being a father took priority above anything else. If I didn't get married to my wife, I would never have had the same kids I have now, so knowing this... I'd still go through with it. I've adapted now... I hobby to fill in that gap.
 
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  35. AliceSpa:
    FRIDAY at ๐—”๐—Ÿ๐—œ๐—–๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”, 4915 Steeles Ave. E, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿต๐Ÿด-๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿด๐Ÿต๐Ÿด. Alice spa has 3 very hot girls today. Open 10am to 9pm: AMY is a young, petite short & slim Taiwanese, former dance instructor, firm natural B Cups, pretty face, firm natural titis, super play good, bbbj, cim, rim, dfk, all services. ASHLEY is a beautiful slim Korean student, snow white skin, 5'2, 100 Lbs, natural
  36. HollywoodSpa:
    Friday at ๐ŸŽญ๐—›๐—ข๐—Ÿ๐—Ÿ๐—ฌ๐—ช๐—ข๐—ข๐—— ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”๐ŸŽญ, 4578 Yonge St, Unit 100, North York, ON: MIMI & TRACY. โ˜Ž416-222-5554โ˜Ž MIMI is a slim Chinese spinner hottie with a great ass, great body slide & liberal services. TRACY is a slim, taller & pretty lady, very friendly with an extensive menu. When you visit ๐ŸŽญHollywood Spa๐ŸŽญ, you will be treated with tender care and your visit will be a fulfilling one
  37. ForeverWarden:
    Friday at ๐Ÿซฆโค๏ธ๐Ÿ”ด๐ŸŸฅโ™พ๏ธ๐“•๐“ž๐“ก๐“”๐“ฅ๐“”๐“ก ๐“ข๐“Ÿ๐“โ™พ๏ธ๐ŸŸฅ๐Ÿ”ดโค๏ธ๐Ÿซฆ 2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿด๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฌ-๐Ÿณ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด๐Ÿณ : Bobo, Mimi & Sasa. Bobo is a small, slim and sexy lady, petite with all natural busty melons for your enjoyment. Mimi is a nice slim lady with a big bottom, & great oral skills to take you to paradise. Sasa is a slim & sweet Korean lady, about 5โ€™4โ€ with C Cups.
  38. HolidaySpa:
    Friday at ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒ…๐“—๐“ธ๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ญ๐“ช๐”‚ ๐“ข๐“น๐“ช๐ŸŒ…๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒด3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough โ˜Ž๏ธ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿต๐Ÿตโ˜Ž๏ธ: LINA & CINDY. LINA is very well known for her great services and her impressive shapely ass. Come and see why! You will be glad you did. CINDY is a slim & incredibly sexy lady with a smile that will melt your heart, & an ass that will fire up your spirit. Her services are among the best!
  39. SugarLoveSpa:
    Friday at โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’™ ๐Ÿ’œโŽ๐—ฆ๐—จ๐—š๐—”๐—ฅ ๐—Ÿ๐—ข๐—ฉ๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”โŽ ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’˜: ELLA, LUNA, SASHA & TIFFANY. 1270 Finch Ave W (at Keele St), Unit 18. North York, ON โ˜Ž ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฑ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด โ˜Ž ELLA is a lovely Thai sweetheart, 5โ€™1โ€ with C Cups, smooth skin and a very pleasing attitude. LUNA is a slim, VERY PETITE and capable Vietnamese beauty, nice natural 34C Cups. Luna can do everything. SASHA is Indian, C Cup, 5'2"
  40. bnwellness_wilson:
    We have 4 young girls are working today, young pretty Lily 25โ€™s with curve body and young student Taiwanese 25โ€™s slime open mind, young flirty Tina 30โ€™s with sexy body open mind and sweet GFE Lina are providing deep tissue massage, pls call 4163985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome,back entrance and parking available, 350 Wilson Ave North York
  41. Lilyspa1:
    Lily Spa : Friday Schedule โค๏ธโค๏ธ SuSu ( Asian )Slim , ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜Porn Service ๐Ÿฉท๐ŸฉทElena 22, Latino French, 36 DDD and ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘ASS, ๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹Yuki 24, Korean Slim , ๐Ÿ˜ˆbbbj , DFk ๐Ÿ”ฅDuo ๐Ÿ”ฅ,โ˜Ž๏ธ 6475318288
  42. Moneylee:
    All season wellness center : New Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament big boobs Mia๏ผŒyoung girl pretty face nice figure Thai deep massage Aad,Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament big boobs Yoyo,Young girl Big breasted saucy naughty Ella ,Enchanting sexy petite deep massage Sherry ๐Ÿ address: #5-30 Rambler dr Brampton ,Ontario L6W 1E2โ˜Ž๏ธ4376655510 ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿˆต๏ธ
  43. Moneylee:
    Full season wellness center: New Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament big boobs Ivy , Young girl pretty face big boobs nice figure deep massage Jessica ,Young girl Big-breasted big Big boobs big butts May, Young beautiful face sexy body and good deep massage Maggie,Enchanting sexy petite deep massage Mary . ๐Ÿ  2560 Shepard Ave Mississauga unit 1 โ˜Ž๏ธ 4379857899 ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ‘„
  44. Red_Pearl_Spa:
    โค๐Ÿ’‹4385 Sheppard Avenue east, unit 5 ๐Ÿ”บ๏ธ๐Ÿ’‹โฃ๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ”ดFriday, ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’‹ Kelly, ๐Ÿ’–today for an amazing treatment... 5'5", long light brown hair, at least C's...๐Ÿ’‹โฃ โ˜Ž๏ธ 647 352-1588โ˜Ž๏ธ
  45. wilson holistic centre:
    ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•Beautiful Korean girl working at 382 Wilson Ave ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•โ˜Ž๏ธโ˜Ž๏ธ416-840-0071โค๏ธโค๏ธ
  46. Soul Relax Spa:
    โœจ Looking for a relaxing escape? โœ… Click Here Meet๐ŸŒธKim๐ŸŒธTina๐ŸŒธIvyCall us today for the best treatment and service experience. Click on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates ! Call now โ˜Ž 289 - 298 - 5662โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate relaxation awaits! โœจ
  47. Annie Spa:
    ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ANNIE SPA๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ โœ…7-1001 SANDHURST CIRCLEโœ… ๐Ÿ‘ŒSCARBOROUGH ON M1V 1Z6๐Ÿ‘Œ โ˜Ž๏ธ (647) 891-9688โ˜Ž๏ธ โ˜Ž๏ธ (416) 291-8879โ˜Ž๏ธ (FINCH & MCCOWAN) OPEN 9:30am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY ๐Ÿ”ฅโœ…NEW MANAGEMENT๐Ÿ’ฏNEW GIRLS๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿ”ฅGORGEOUS NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS - TODAYโ€™s ROSTER INCLUDES: ๐Ÿ”ฅ Yumi๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ’‹A striking new tall gorgeous Korean model with long, flowing reddish-brown hair cascading down her back and a slender, elegant figure that exudes grace and poise. Yumiโ€™s natural confidence and allure, make her approa
  48. Golden Sunshine Spa:
    โœจClick on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates and special services ! โœ… Click Here Today๐ŸŒธCindy๐ŸŒธCindy๐ŸŒธJessica๐ŸŒธSelina๐ŸŒธNina Call us โ˜Ž 905 - 265 - 2158โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate service awaits! โœจ
  49. Red Rose Spa:
    ๐ŸŒธ We have 13 hot brown girls today ๐ŸŒธ PAOLA, AMMU, KIRAN, AMANDA, SUMMER, ASHA, PREETI, ANGELINA ๐ŸŒธ 2588 Birchmount ๐ŸŒธ 2 Invergordon ๐ŸŒธ 647-702-8800 ๐ŸŒธ Please visit for a great erotic massage
  50. Lulu1980:
    Phoenix Blossom Spa ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน3 girls ๐Ÿ˜˜Table shower ใ€body scrub ใ€ Sea salt bath๐Ÿ‘5124 Dundas St W Etobicokeโ˜Ž๏ธ416-817-3366๐Ÿ‘ Young girl Cherry (Student)๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜โ€œcharming breasts.โ€beautiful curvy hips.โ€very provocative service๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜, professional super Luna deep tissue massage, has therapeutic effect to loosen bones and relieve muscle pressure and will bring you unexpected service effects, she will bring you a little surprise๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜โค๏ธ You are welcome to make an appointment at any time or walk in the
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