in love with a bargirl... big question here

[Purdey EP]

[youtube]c2muMuBGRHA[/youtube]

 

[Judas Rabbi]

good, thanks.



only took 245 posts to work this out.



you were told. newbie or not i dosen't take that long to understand surely.



again.



go away.

everyone makes mistakes omg, you ask for advice and don't want to listen to it,:tuxout: so make it up yourself,you will come up with a better outcome that suits you. bm's don't come on this forum to upset other members just to give advice on their experiences, so if you ask a question you have to be prepared for an answer you may not like.

 

[charlie murphy]

Am I missing something here? OP meets a bar girl and she tells him she's new to the job and has only had 4 customers. OP falls in love with her as a (slightly shop-soiled) delicate Asian flower who can be redeemed by his affections and saved from a squalid existence.

Bar girl then comes clean (if you'll pardon the expression). She's a bar girl, is new to the job, but has actually had 10 customers. In the OP's eyes she has now transmuted into a heinous slattern, whose very touch repulses him.

Huh? Yeah, yeah, I get that she was initially economical with the truth (a bar girl? who'da thunk it?), but WTF? If you had a farang girlfriend who fessed up to being a working girl, would the issue seriously be the amount of customers she's had. Unsuccessful BG = saint, successful BG = sinner.

I must be missing something, because none of this makes any sense. She's been honest that she's out looking for a farang boyfriend/husband and been honest that she's spent extended periods of time with other farang. That's kinda her job.

It's the girl I feel sorry for, not the original poster.

 

[Favre Fan]

Not matter what he does or does not do, short of kissing this one off with a big bonus, and instituting the one-night rule, would keep him from catching a lot of flack on this board. Comes with the territory.


Well, he is not giving her a lot of confidence, because he is not giving her the promises that don't get kept! He is being straight upfront with her, and only giving her the promises that he knows he will keep. He's a newbie, and it is not real easy to understand the cultural differences entailed in this sort of relationship. You don't just pick all that stuff up overnight. There are guys with Thai wives, who have lived there many years, who still don't understand it all. But so far, he is doing a decent job of learning on the fly.


TGs like women everywhere, are all different. The one I was with in Pattaya last winter got bored easily, and needed to be constantly entertained every day. But in the evening, she didn't want to go out more than once or twice a week to the discos. She did not like to drink. Liked to cook at home, or go to the all-you-can-eat BBQ, then watch her soaps, and fall alseep. Her favorite thing to do was to go to different temples and make sacrifices or give money to Buddha, and get a blessing from the monks! I never got blessed so many times in my life. :angel:

The one I was with in Patong the year before that would say to me, "Do we have to go to the bars and drink again tonight?" She only liked to drink, when she was getting a commission on the drinks, then she couldn't get enough. 5555.... She preferred to sit and knit a scarf, and watch the soaps, or listen to me play guitar. She did not get bored easily.

To paraphrase Forest Gump, TGs are like a box of chocolates, you never know which kind you wil get. :love3: He will find out soon enough.

Of course, there will be some turbulence. She IS a woman. Have you ever had a relationship with a woman, where there was no turbulence? And, of course, with the cultural differences here, there is guaranteed to be a little extra. :yes:

 

[rocker_254]

OMG... what is happening? Are you still with her? Or have you left?

 

[Jazeera]

If you are 24 and like Celine Dion then you have another problem.:rules:

 

[brokenlover381]

I hope you enjoy the rest of your time in Thailand OMG
You are a much wiser man now with all this new knowledge you have

One of the Idiots

 

[David J]

You find it strange? It seems to be normal for 90% of "kids" ...insecurity at that age I guess... were we ever like that? Probably... though it is good when you see a "kid" who has the grace to respect experience and use it as a tool instead of as a hindrance...

 

[msjinx39]

In my experience with TGs, it doesn't matter whether they are BGs or not, the connection between love and money is at such a basic level, that you can not separate love and money in relationships with TGs. It is part and parcel of their cultural consciousness.

Even in Western relationships, where we pretend that love and money are completely separate issues, the leading cause of divorces is problems and disagreements over money matters.

 

[Maru Ramos]

You want a medal or an award? So you can take a dump ... big deal ... so can a monkey.

Does it really matter if she was passed out in her room after getting shitfaced with her friends or screwing a fat hairy sweaty old man? NO ... because either way you wouldn't like it.

IMO your not ready for a serious relationship, especially not one with a girl from a foreign country with which you share completely differing moral, ethical and cultural values. A thai girl sees the world in a completely different way than you do, and unless you have a very thorough understanding and acceptance of the thai (and bg) culture, you will have a very tough time having a long term relationship with one of these girls.

 

[Allison D]

but what is he doing wrong?
is he forcing the girl to come to see him everynight after work?

 

[Rob M]

but how is he playing with her?
she obviously chooses to come see him everyday, hes not forcing her

 

[Hadji]

hehe i don't like her songs (ok maybe one or two song ) but i'm proud that the most popular singer in the world is from Quebec!

 

[chris j]

Hi OMG, it is very true that in almost all the situations like this, the girls are simply using very good tactics to get your confidence that they are being honest and really love you and want to stay with you. That's why they don't ask for any money and agree to quit their job etc. The 'loss' of money for them in the short-term is well worth it for the money that they can get from you in the long term.

So maybe she is just playing you along....

But then there is the very rare situation where the girl has indeed been only working in the bar for a few months, and really does want to find an honest 'farang' boyfriend/husband.

How do you know if this girl is honest or not? You could just go along with what she says and hope that it will all turn out ok. But maybe she will lose a lot of money and your heart...

This is what I have done with every Thai girl that I wanted to start a serious relaqtionship with. I have used a private detective to 'chat' her up and to see if she tells him the same story. This detective has also asked the girl to go to bed with him! I have done this because I don't want to waste my time or money with a girl who is not honest. I have applied the same test for girls who have 'normal' jobs and have never worked in a bar.

Over the last 6 years in Thailand, I have used a detective 4 times:

- The first girl worked in an export company and said she wanted to marry me etc etc. Within 10 minutes of speaking to the private detective, she agreed to have sex with him.

- The second girl worked in an electronics company and seemed honest. But then my guy saw her kissing and cuddling her Thai boyfriend before she came to visit me!

- The third girl was a gogo dancer in a BKK bar. My guy found her to be the most honest girl that he had met!! Although she was not 'marriage material', she remains one of my best and most-trusted friends here in Thailand.

- The fourth girl worked as a waiter in a bar. She also was not lying to me, (my guy checked her out on 2 occasions). I went on to marry that girl and we had a family. (Unfortunately, after a few years she became very mentally ill and the marriage ended, but the private detective could not have forseen this).

So, don't just go with your own feelings. I know that there is a private detective working in Patong. You could maybe save yourself some money and heartache to get him to do a quick 'test' with her.

Good luck

Simon

 

[Musicology]

OMG,

This thread seems to be taking a turn for the worse as insults are batting around both ways but I'll give you my humble opinion on something that I do have experience of myself, and with more than 1 woman too.

I can tell you that these long distance relationships rarely work out, add the 'prostitute' factor into the equation and things become even more complicated.
There are happy endings but usually only with guys that are able to 'step up to the plate' fairly quickly and those men are able to take her well away from that vice trade situation. It certainly helps if you are fairly solvent too because if you ain't, then you may struggle.

As you said this:



Then I would suggest you forget about getting involved with thai prostitutes and get chasing after those sexy Montreal women.

Good luck with whatever you decide though.

 

[~<(8^D) Party!]

Wait to deserve one of these girls, you have to pay them a good price right? This is what you call ''deserve''?

 

[Radagast97]

That is what i call a stupid answer from a stupid guy and he was not the only stupid guy that answer me that kind of answer.

Why? Because you don't seem to understand i'm a newbie and don't know how it works here. In Canada, i will pay less things to my girlfriend than the girl i was with. I thought that if i pay her always food, alcool, and blabla, shes going to like it. But now i understand that it doesn't work like this here.

But anyway, haters, you are so intelligent that maybe you will find something else to find and blabla. You are idiots

 

[matelotdougla1]

Have you ever played one of the old 70's vineforum.xxxe Guild steel-string acoustics with the redwood top. Now there is a very unique guitar. :love3: Great sound and super nice action! Used to have one years ago! te: te:

 

[Sara]

She must have been delighted with her 3000 baht.......:thumbsdow

 

[IVY X]

OOOps nearly posted, sorry Kev!!!!