Mitch Hedberg Quotes - Updated daily till I run out of his quotes

[JonasSupaFan15]

lol, nicee

 

[Sahil S]

very goodddd .......

 

[Nunyo]

:deal:​

"You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later." - Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)

 

[Mrs.Heretic]

Lol .............................

 

[Latise J]

Lol

Those Quotes are Just Awesome

There ya go , Some reps from Miss Sunshine​

 

[CucFraaooa]

"Do you think when the guy came up with the idea to invent the bong, a blacklight popped up over his head?" - Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)

 

[hlemvusriroibhewl]

"When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-size bed, wondering where my brother was." - Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)

 

[Cenzy F]

"Me and my friends did acid in the woods, 'cause there was much less chance of running into an authority figure...

But we ran into a bear...

And that is way more of a buzz kill...

One of my friends was raising his right hand and swearing to prevent forest fires...

Later, he came up to me, put his arms around my shoulders and said "Mitchell. Smokey is way more intense in person." - Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)

 

[aoonvlye]

"I don't have a girlfriend...

I just know a girl who would be really mad if she heard me say that." - Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)

 

[rtevsuceiwxijhedj]

"I had my palm read...

I wrote something on it first, to see if she would read that too" - Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)

 

[JasonsWifey]

"As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have to end the show strong...

You can't be like pancakes...

All exciting at first, but at the end you are phucking sick of them" - Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)

 

[xiqclsoxs]

k...........................................

 

[xo NavyGirl]

very good.....

 

[yellowbear26]

:

"I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls...

But on the day the rubber was supposed to be delivered, a big truckload of potatoes arrived...

And Pringles is a pretty laid-back company, so they said 'Phuck it, cut em up!"

 

[doogy]

:

"I hate turkeys...

If you go to the grocery store and stand in front of the 'lunch meat' section for long enough you will start to get pissed off at turkeys...

You will see like 'turkey ham'... 'turkey pastrami'... 'turkey bologna'...

Somebody needs to tell the turkey 'Man, just be yourself... I already like you, litte fella... you do not need to emmulate the other animals... you have your own thing going... I used to draw you" - Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)

 

[nat]

"I bought a parrot, and it talked. But it never said 'I'm hungry' so it died."

 

[miyuki manabat]

On a traffic light red means stop, yellow means slow down, and green means go. But on a banana it's the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead and red means "Where the fück did you get that banana at?"

:lmao: he was too damn funny

 

[Artman]

"A severed foot is the ultimate christmas stocking stuffer" - Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)

 

[Sassy Shih Tzu]

:dontknow::dontknow::dontknow:
​

 

[borbianytrami]

The following are quotes from Mitch Hedberg.

Born Mitchell Lee Hedberg, Feb. 24, 1968, in St. Paul, Minnesota.

This comedian once explained the reason his name was not a household one was because most of his fans lived in apartments.

Died March 30, 2005, of a reported heart attack in a New Jersey hotel room.



"I was in a casino, minding my own business...

And this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move. You're blocking a fire exit.'

As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run.

If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Unless you're a table."