Open Marriages

[Incarcerated Bert]

So if a married man tells me his marriage is genuinely open and being kept together for practical reasons, are there things I can watch for to let me know if he's lying?

I have no problem with Married if it's a real open relationship, in fact it seems rather ideal. But I don't want any part of sneaking around and being someone's secret. I haven't actually met the man yet, and usually I'm pretty good in-person at knowing if someone's lying...I might not know exactly what they're lying about or why, but I can usually sense the Untruth in the air.

But in this case I have to acknowledge that so far, I find this man completely intriguing and I want what he's saying to be true, so my own judgment could be skewed by that. So I have to be careful to pay more attention to actions than words, but what should I be watching for?

I have been told the only way I can be sure is to talk to the wife, and that the odds are she would probably have a very different idea about the status of her marriage. That's not an option, I'm not doing that.

Any advice?

 

[Alan]

That is the only 100% guaranteed solution.

Why is that not an option?

 

[Nuala]

I've been spinning that very question in my head...I think it seems I'd be getting too close to the situation.

Or maybe I just don't want to find out she has a different idea about the state of her marriage.

sigh...I try really hard not to let what I want come before being smart about things, but I think I feel my IQ dropping with this one. :

 

[Mark P]

Having an ''affair'' with a married man is getting close to the situation as it is, so I would think it's best to do everything in your power to find out exactly what you are getting yourself into.

 

[Rantacom Inc.]

It's most likely he's lying about his marriage being open, put the onus on him to prove it.
Can you meet him in his home or is that off-limits for some reason? That's where the evidence would be.

Good for you that you're being respectful of his wife.

 

[Happykid]

Fuck it, call him at home. If he is going around lying about it he may as well enjoy the benefits.

 

[mars28]

When I was in an open relationship, I received a few emails from some women who were the sweeeeet polite type, mostly asking my permission to spend some time with my man. No they didn't need to do that but it was courteous and sweet I think. If they have the right kind of relationship, she should take it the right way. Just ask for a non-confrontational means to communicate with her. If he's lying, he could try and fake being her but I hope you know enough about women to figure out when it's a guy pretending to be a girl.

 

[junkyarddogfan]

I think u have to talk to the other partner to know the truth. But I donno if that is a good idea

 

[Hmmmm]

I know, you're right. Thanks.

I'm was hoping for a way that didn't involve the wife.

It's not often I trip over one who makes me stupid.

Then again, online chemistry doesn't always mean real-life chemistry, so I could be thinking about this for nothing.

 

[Uchiha Itachi]

His home would be totally off-limits because I wouldn't be okay with that even if his wife invited me. That's where his children live, where his family lives, and I wouldn't feel right crossing into their world.

I know it makes more sense that he'd be lying about it, but I really hope he's not. sigh.

 

[HEY]

:

I see the logic, but if he's lying, it's not my problem or my place to clue his wife in. While the "enjoy the benefits" aspect gives me a momentary chuckle, this is a real family that could be damaged, and I don't want to contribute to that.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Wow, Amy, thank you. This is a most interesting idea, and it's very helpful hearing it from the SO side.

 

[I <3 you!!!]

That's a good idea to have his children and their environment off-limits if he's just a fuck buddy.

I think Amy's suggestion is smart, tell him you would feel more comfortable asking his wife's permission.

 

[Pompal 09.]

I don't really think it is, but Amy has me reconsidering.

Thank you all for the input, I appreciate it.

 

[AMiR]

Just couldn't take my word for it could you?! :roll: :tongue:

**sigh** :arf:

As with ALL the "fidelity/ infidelity" threads on escort boards, one thing remains consistent... and that is that one can find all sorts of ways to "justify" in their mind right from wrong, but the only opinion of what is acceptable/ unacceptable and therefore the ONLY one that TRULY matters is what the spouse thinks. Only way to know that with 100% accuracy is to ask the spouse.

The definition of what is "cheating" is subject to interpretation from couple to couple and even individual to individual. uch:

Take my own situation for example. I have sex with other women, and Mrs. CG has sex with other women... she also (as it turns out now, has had sex with another man...) Most "normal" definitions of "cheating" would classify this as questionable activity in the realm of "fidelity"... HOWEVER, the difference is, we each have given each other approval of said consensual sex acts, and were even in the same room.

Taking this one step further, Mrs. CG also has full approval from me to pursue any sexual encounter with another female, as long as I have full disclosure. I, in turn may also pursue a sexual encounter with another female provided she is included and also has full disclosure. (i.e. same room)

So, in closing- the definition of cheating in OUR case, would include anything that we know our partner would not approve of. (e.g. if she pursued a sexual encounter with another female and did not advise me, or another male, or if I pursued a sexual encounter with another female in which she was not included.)

This being the case SG... the only way to know for sure, is to contact the spouse... in some way... Some have suggested e-mail, but even THAT can be faked, (very easily I might add), and even telephone can be easily faked TBH... so face to face is the most preferable method to be 100% fool proof...

Sorry SG, but that is the bitter truth. :shock:

 

[Pompal 09.]

Well I didn't really like your answer.... :tongue:



Face to face is not gonna happen.

I'll see what kind of a vibe I get if I meet him, and decide from there.

hahaha I said "if" like there's a question about it. Situations like this are why I swore off men for the first year after my divorce...sometimes, Heat makes me stupid.

Guys aren't the only ones who think with the little head sometimes. :neutral:

 

[- Uaeconnect]

Just cuz you didn't like it, doesn't mean it was wrong... :

See....

You are ALREADY trying to justify it to yourself! :na:

 

[ninjaxcupcakes]

I hate how right you are.

The other day I found myself thinking if he is sneaking around, he's gonna do it whether it's with me or not. Wife would be better off if it's with me, as I genuinely have no interest in stealing her husband. I just want to borrow him sometimes.

That is Grade A Primo Pathetic Justification, I can't even begin to deny it.

 

[divinemystick]

:shock:

 

[Michelle B]

Ummm why not just walk away?

Then you could go about your life with a clean conscious......or (and I use this a LOT) would that be too simple?

No matter what his situation really is, you are in fact entering into what is commonly called a "love triangle" and the news is full of them turning out badly.....

BTW: I'm sure you know this, that the net is full of married men finding a little something something on the side and ALL of them say "they're in an open marriage". The odds of you finding one that actually is? Well, I'd play the powerball lottery because the odds are probably greater of you winning that than this guy actually telling the truth....